If Cinemas were like schools…

Thanks to Paul Bogush for inspiring this blog post. In fact credit where it’s due all I’ve done is copied and pasted the original, translated it into the UK English and edited and added a little with some UK cultural references. Paul also referenced some other great blogs in his post including this one comparing theme parks to schools

Although I though the original post was very funny it also makes some superb points about education and education systems and really got my brain thinking. Please do add more ideas in the comments.

If Cinemas were like schools…

Everyone would sit in alphabetical order.

If you talked during the film it would stop until you were quiet.

If you carried on talking during the film you would get sent out for 5 minutes but then come in again.

Some films would make you watch in silence while others would let you talk.

If you laughed at the car crash you would have to leave and talk to a counsellor.

There would be IEPs in place for the guys so that they could sit through an entire chick flick.

There would be no sweets or fizzy drinks allowed.

Popcorn could be served at the interval but neither salt nor sugar could be added.

If a cinema wasn’t pulling in the punters it would be reopened with private money in a plush new building as an Academy cinema.

Films would be differentiated to appeal to a range of styles of students.

Films would clearly display the objectives of the film at the start and summarise them at the end.

Directors would have to cross reference their films to the national curriculum.

If you showed up to the movie late you would be given a detention.

If you tried to leave early the manager would haul you back in.

If your mobile phone goes off the staff will confiscate it.

You would have to pause the movie and write in your book about what you had seen so far.

You would have to enter and exit the cinema in two straight lines.

The films you watched would be chosen for you.

Once a month you would have to watch a film about a culture other than your own.

Everyday you would have to watch action films first, then drama, then romances, then horror.  There would be no films allowed that crossed genre lines like romantic dramas.

Any movie over 50 minutes long would be completed the next day

Can’t watch trailers of what is upcoming until movie is over.

If you need the toilet during the film you need to raise your hand to ask permission.

Any B movie would have to be re-made until it is a hit.

If no one spoke for the entire film you would get a merit.

The opening sequence of rules would be 2 hours long.

You can’t leave the cinema with a friend to go to their house unless you have a note from your mother.

If you are sick and can’t watch a film the next day you have to watch twice as many films.

There would be no bad language in the films.

They would take out the air conditioning and install two small fans.

There would be five screens but only two projectors.

A register would be taken at the start of the film.

When the projectors break you would have to role play the characters in the movie.

If a projectionist is away a cover supervisor would run the film.

People behaving badly during a film would be sent to an isolation room with a manager of the cinema supervising them until the day is over.

The ushers would have to be certified, have 30 hours of credits, pass two tests, and practice ushering with another usher who sat through a 6 hour workshop on how to teach ushering before being hired.

People would be bused across town because watching the film with a diverse audience will bring more peace and harmony.

Every cinema in the city would be playing the same movie at the same time.

There would be no comedies shown.

You could watch movies, but not create movies.

Ushers would have PD on how to check and see if the audience is watching the movie, but none on making movies.

You are not allowed to boo, only cheer for movies.

If the males didn’t like watching movies when they get older it IS NOT because they had to learn how to watch movies by watching Beaches, An Officer and a Gentleman, Dirty Dancing, Ice Castles, and Flashdance.

Published by D Needlestone


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  1. Perfect! I can’t wait to share this with the kids and compare the lists to see the vocab changes you made to have it make sense for your audience.

  2. If the movie is sold out, it would track on and off. Each group of viewers will watch the movie for nine minute intervals with three minute breaks and rotate.

  3. liked this article nstoneit.com E-learning Experiences » Blog Archive » If Cinemas were like schools… and i do not wish to be that person… but i do believe that maybe your blog would look a little better if you would have a litte blue on it. Only my advice, definitely enjoyed this article otherwise 😉 Best regards, Resor

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