100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Required fields are marked *. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Because they might get a slice. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Why do golfers hate cake? Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. 21. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. 4. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. 2. Golf is like doing your taxes. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. The guys who come Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Peter Jacobson, 33. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. P.G. Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Your fifth putt. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. 3. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. 4. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. In case he got a hole in one! The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Noah. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Do you share these funny golf jokes? 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? 20. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Dont even putt. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. The Dalai Lama himself. Jack Benny. Two rounds a day are plenty. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. "Golf is my profession. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Tiagra. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. 8. Wanna be my caddy? What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? 2. Required fields are marked *. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. Don't dirt your soul. In case they get a hole-in-one! Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Dean Martin, He loved the game. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Besides that, I love to explore. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Fore-get Me Nots. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Achieve more with each and every round you play. Because he walked into the wrong club! If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Lee Trevino, 59. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Another Ball in the Trees. I'm pretty good with my short putts. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Please sign up with your best email address. Watch their eyes. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? 13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? You must remember not to remember to think. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. It can be difficult. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Is everything okay?. 6. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? You swing left and the ball goes right. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. The means are as important as the ends. 85+ Funny Golf Quotes That Will Be A Hit At The Clubhouse I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. 2. How the heck did that happen? Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. 5. 49 Dirty Quotes and Sayings You Must Pay Attention That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? He couldnt stop puttzing around! Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. 18 Funny Golf Quotes to Keep You Laughing on - 18Birdies Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Dirt your body. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Thats incredible. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? 19. 7. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Keep your head down. Wodehouse, 31. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Whos there? Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Roarin' Mcllroy 3. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? The fourth putt! "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. no! document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? P.G. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Dirty Golf - pinterest.com Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. 8. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. The 32 Dirty Quotes of all Time - quotesforbros.com P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Sir W.G. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); And there are windmills. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? but I can show you what is! She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Oh my God, what have I just said?". How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. 4. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Chip Shot. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Wodehouse Two, be your own person. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Its just really hard to play. I had a hole in nothing. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? When your golf cart capsizes. 3. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants.
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