Exes might get back together if the reasoning for a breakup was mutual or based on uncontrollable life circumstances. This was a little bit before the internet was such a big thing, so he wasn't able to find me online. I doubt that that's why he would reach out, he's the one who got apologies from me shortly after the breakup (which he did get shortly after, but probably not in the most though through way) thanks for sharing. Someone in their life could have randomly brought you up in conversation. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). It is okay if he contacts you after so many years. I was unable to provide the support he needed at the time, as I had not healed and wasn't ready to let go of my trauma (my therapist says I didn't want to relinquish the power he had over me - that it was a continuation of the abuse.) A closure response. Very random in his message he stated that it was crazy for reaching out and that Ive always been brought up in conversion by school mates and that hes sorry if he negatively impacted me and hes always wishing the best for me and hes never forgot me. You already have a family to take care of. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. We all think back and wonder why it what if or how different have I become? I think he feels very alone in life right now and he reached out because he saw I was connected to his sister on social media. The next weekend, the friend showed up again, and this time he brought my ex. Every relationship ends differently and there is no strict rulebook to follow when it comes to dealing with an ex contacting you years later. If they were unwilling or incapable of giving you closure themselves, reconnecting with an ex after 10 years isnt going to do the trick. He'd already tried to reach out to me a couple times, but I wasn't ready. He has to now find a job in stead. It creates so much confusion because your ex's actions are conflicting. Why would an ex contact you years after the relationship ended? Do you like how your life looks without your ex? An ex could disappear by ignoring you or by ending the conversation and staying out of contact afterward. They could, and that one little text has the power to turn your life upside down. The Teaser Trailer For Daisy Jones & The Six Just DroppedHeres Everything We Know SoFar, The Best Dating Sites and Apps: Complete List of the Top Online DatingPlatforms, Best Hookup Sites: Top 30 Free Hookup Apps and Websites for Getting LaidTonight. He has a wife and two adorable girls now and Im happy for him. It's a long story. Might even make it a little easier to connect with my kids. Yesterday, he said, My ex and I are talking again. I think I'm willing to give it a second try.". Theres also a chance that your partner has asked what youd do if your ex resurfaced. Theres no generic advice on what to do when your ex contacts you after years. You had strong feelings for your ex, things didnt end well, and you dont want them disrupting your life. Most people go through lifehidingparts of their character because theyre afraid of being judged. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. I imagine he just wants to check up. Perhaps they dont have the energy to get to know another person from scratch, to reach the level of ease and intimacy that you shared. My ex reached out to me about 15 years after we broke up. "What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the . Many years have passed since you were together, so naturally, youve matured and changed quite a bit. I dont know many adults in choir so I knew it would be best to stay in contact with them. Anger is an emotion that people are often uncomfortable with. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. They bounce from relationship to relationship and leave when they can no longer ignore their significant others flaws. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) The only reason your ex is trying tore-establish contactis that they need some advice about a serious issue theyre having. TBO we didnt really even say good-bye was no real closure. Loneliness will cause us to scroll through our phones and contact people we wouldnt normally. Thank you for your article very insightful. It was so dumb, just irrational avoidance and not being ready yetThe five-year gap was apparently not enough, lol. One of the most famouscouplesto break up and get back together were Prince William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Shes now married with a kid and said being married is hard, having a family is hard. Its been quite some time since she was a stepmom to your kids, so theres probably no need to message her now. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. Granted, I was also really young comparatively (mid-twenties) and I didn't understand that closure comes from yourself, not another person (I had a really wonderful therapist help me work through this paradigm-shift). Something is often wrong when an ex comes back into the picture years later. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. More often than not, they just want to catch up and be friends. Yes, it is very common for exes to get back together years later. What do you expect out of this renewed relationship? In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. He ended up forgiving me and it was a wonderful feeling, to not have to carry around that burden anymore. Absolutely nothing, your ex doesnt have an ulterior motive. A part of me feels like I need to give him closure and I'm not sure how? I'm very happy with my huband and I know that I made the right decision for myself, but I feel bad that it hurt someone else. It could also just be curiosity which I understand to a certain extent I guess. My ex contacted me after 2 years and I couldnt help but immediately respond to ask her what she wanted. What do you intend to do now that your ex contacted you? Politely rejecting his invitation to meet up was mature and respectful to all parties involved. It was two years since the end of the relationship this September and I feel like I have wasted two years of my lifetime. (ETA: Not in an obsessive "someday-we'll-be-together-again" way, lol. But that doesnt mean the deeper connection between them would disappear just like that. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. Sometimes, the ex comes back with a text to just check in on you. The following four steps can help you work through the process. What does it mean when an ex contacts you years later? I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. In searching for the familiar, we may be drawn back to past times in our lives when our cares seemed so much lighter than they do now. A really long time and the fact she is reaching out shows something is happening there. If your relationship was healthy, you might not feel the need to speak to the person, or you may still have them in your life. Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. :). like you said, no one would probably get much out of the interaction. Theyre not quite sure what, but that phone call,text message, or email is met with suspicion, and rightly so. The most common reason your ex-girlfriend will reach out to ask how you are doing is to make sure you are doing okay because she still cares about you, and loves you as a person. There is no pretentious behavior, and they are comfortable with each other. I got a message on Linkedin today andI'm so confused (the message said I came up in their feed I don't even know how that's possible we live in opposite side of the world, work in different industries and don't share contacts)? In that case, having a quick chat on Instagram wont be such a bad idea. The first time he reached out, he called me a monster because I aborted a pregnancy I had with him when I was 15. Your ex is an ex for a reason, and giving them attention when your present life is fulfilling isnt really worth it. Its up to you, but she is married, after all. Part of the need to re-connect is driven by the ambiguous threat of the pandemic and, practically speaking, part of it is likely due to the greater number of hours of alone time that we may feel the need to fillto get our minds off our own circumstances, in some cases, and focus on something more positive, or at least feel like were doing something to support someone else. They started dating in 2003 when they were in university. You DO NOT have to maintain a protocol, thinking that itll be too rude to not reply. Youre married with beautiful children, successful, and go on the most amazing vacations. Invite them to join you for a drink to catch up, or suggest the two of you grab a coffee sometimes. Its not one-sided either, they both feel the same way. And also, if youre looking for 1-on-1 help with your ex, check out our coaching page. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? But ultimately, she wanted me to know that she feels bad for how mean she was to me when we broke up. After a few weeks of talking, take the plunge and suggest the two of you meet face-to-face. Thanks once again. In my last relationship, I left the guy to be with my now husband. However, video calls are especially meaningful when someone is totally isolated or when grandkids or more than one person is at one end of the phone. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. You broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see whether you can pick up where you left off. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. Reaching out to an ex after months or years later. A host of questions must be bothering you to the core: Why do exes come back after leaving for someone else? Now that theyre dealing with issues concerning the things only you know about, theyve got no one else to turn to. Maybe your ex has actually stopped being an emotionally abusive person. Do you want to pursue a relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship, or do you wish not to speak with your ex? You are about to put a lot at stake here. He said hed been having dreams about me and wanted to see if Im ok and that was it. PostedMay 1, 2020 She said she feels guilty for our relationship (as I was involved with someone else at the time.) If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". You may hold beliefs about anger, such as: Nice . The next thing you know, youre back in an unhealthy relationship because you were enticed by a moment of weakness. I told him we could talk over the phone. For all you know, theyre just asking for their hoodie back. No matter how you both ended things, try not to respond to the text immediately, even if its a lazy Saturday afternoon and your only entertainment is your cat licking her own fur. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be. hings in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. It's always best to think your course of action through first, and that includes whether you want to even respond. Outside the bedroom, you werent compatible at all. Its strange to call your ex to find out if they think the same as them, but it happens because you still feel connected to your ex. But apparently it has haunted him for 12 years enough to find me and ask. It means that you must wait for your ex to verbalize or show what he or she wants. He thought were friends and the fact that he cheated on me was very conveniently swept under the rug. This kind of reciprocity is what makes confession responses a great way to respond, especially if your ex called you during no contact to fix things. I am still not sure if its a good idea. The expectations are usually running wild when you have not moved on completely. People change over time, relationships shift, and priorities and interests shift as well. When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. Unanticipated, unasked, over five years later. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, whether you think your ex can make a good friend, how much emotional progress youve made since the breakup, and how much respect you have for your ex, how your familys doing (not to be mistaken for an indirect approach to break the ice), how you perceive your ex and feel about him or her, Your ex could also be very direct and say . Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. In such cases, the steps to ensure closure need to come from within. Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? Think about your life right now. He also had trust issues before we got together. Three words: Manage your expectations. Youll set your own pace and see if your ex agrees. Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. Have you ever considered getting back with your ex? They noticed your transition from sad to happy, and the expression of contentment on your face is threatening to them. I suggested spending more time together at hers, or going away together somewhere to stay for a period. He'd tried to reach out to me a couple times after the break-up. So, we have jotted down these 8 points for you to ponder on before you decide to reply to that text. A whopping 62 percent of married folks in her study wound up having an affair with their ex even though they didn't reach out to them with any such plan in mind. If you reach 41 weeks (1 week overdue), your provider will do tests to check on the baby. So, you spent three sleepless nights wondering about their true intention behind a simple Hi. I told him I am married now. He mentioned catching up and I respectfully declined, immediately established the limit. I just this week had an ex reach out after 20 years. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You. You are busy. However, they later got back together and married in 2011. If your ex talks nicely to you for a little while and then doesnt talk to you for weeks, that could mean that your ex got what he or she was after. That usually means theyve contacted you for some companionship and not for anything serious. How else do you handle an ex coming back when there is such a big, unresolved issue?. Let me know what your plans are in the comments below. Perhaps you thought youd completely moved on, but their message reminds you of all the good times that you didnt even know you had buried away. I do not want to interrupt her life now and do not want to reopen any wounds. Honestly, I have never found that sentiment to be true. Remember, friendships are often place-bound or time-bound relationships and their remembered intensity may be reflecting more about the intensity of that period of your life rather than the depth of that friendship. But some people are lucky enough to meet that one person who accepts everything about them. Seeing your ex after a long time could be extremely overwhelming. If youre looking to get them back, your imagination must be running wild. 7. HD01;:, Siddartha (Dhritiman Chatterjee) is forced to discontinue his medical studies due to unexpected and brutal death of his father. Turns out she was in a 12 step program and got to the step where she was supposed to make up with those she'd done wrong in the past. I think that she would really appreciate hearing that and she deserves it. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. This is super interesting as information. Lets not lose sleep over only the unpleasant prospects. Talking again was good, and I'm happy we did. Exes sometimes need years to process the breakup and find reasons to communicate. If you're in the midst of a no contact rule, which includes time frames of 21 days, 30 days, and 45 days, you may be sitting and thinking that you should respond back to your ex. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask your ex some questions back. Getting back together with an ex years later is possible. Do not use it as an opportunity to continue the mud-slinging. I once reached out though, in a moment of guilt and stress, to an ex in attempt to apologize for everything that happened (at that time 4yrs in the past. Video calls with loved ones are really meaningful when youre not getting to see anyone outside of your own reflection in the mirror. If youre feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed by your ex contacting you, speak to a trusted friend or family member. The fact that you moved on and found happiness all over again on your own, draws them back to square one. The tests may show that the baby is active and healthy, and the amount of amniotic fluid is . Ive written about the signs that your ex secretly wants you back and what really happens when they do but Ive neglected a little fuzzy grey area. But telling him things that would hurt him? He agreed. But they happen anyway., and you are left with no other choice than to face the aftermath. Another reason why your ex contacts you suddenly after so long might be because they are struggling with their feelings alone. Maybe theyve spent the past couple of years thinking about how perfect you were together and that they havent had a better relationship since. Tell him, "thanks for calling, hope he is having a good life". He or she controls everything up until the point when he or she suggests a certain type of relationship. It felt good verifying that intuition. So much was tied up inside because of a difficult home life, hadn't learned yet to really let all that flow out. If you are in a monogamous relationship and your exs texting you is making your heart throb in your stomach, you need to spill it to your partner. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. Just the prospect of talking to an ex after years is bound to give you a lot of anxiety. Anywho, all of this is to say that I haven't had a good experience with an ex trying to reach out. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. A sapiosexual, pizza-loving cinephile. Here are six common reasons for exes getting back together years later. No one says you need to entertain them. You never know how valuable your reach-out might be to another. We dont sign up for certain catastrophes in life. Something bad must have happened to her that made her want to clear he conscience. In fact, it can help minimize our own sense of anxiety. When you receive a response to Why did you reach out, discern if your ex means what he or she says by paying attention to your exs attitude. If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. I know it can feel tempting to converse with your ex and convince your ex youve changed, matured, and become a better version of yourself, but thats not why exes reach out after years. Dont let your ex pull the strings on you just for the sake of finding closure. It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you dont know what their motives are. If your relationship ending with your ex has left you in a therapists room, it is wiser to leave the ex in the past. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope youre just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation. This isnt the time to look for alternative sources of happiness. Its almost like youve been waiting for me. The humiliation I felt after that made sure I never texted her back again, Aaron, a construction manager, shares with us. Truth be told, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isnt what anyone wants. At the time of our relationship, I was still keeping a lot to myself emotionally. $1000 is a lot of money, so you should try to peacefully get it back. We were together for about 5 years until she broke it off. They didnt expect you to be this chirpy so soon. Your obligation toward your ex has ended, and it is alright to think of yourself first. I stopped going to the club in case they came again. Its not that people want their ex to suffer, per se, its that they may feel a sick ego boost when comparing their progress after your breakup to their own. The only way to stop overthinking in this situation is by either ignoring the message or giving a very indifferent response, which basically screams out that your ex doesnt matter to you anymore. Its easy to indulge an ex when you still have lingering feelings toward them. You havent heard from your ex in years, and theyre contacting you out of nowhere. Closure, like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself. That way, even if you break up with your partner and get back together with your ex, at least you gave them a heads-up. You're finally feeling like yourself again and putting yourself back out there, when, like clockwork, your ex reaches out to you. He then kept trying to reach out later because he was convinced a cartel was trying to kill him and it was my fault. We dont often think about emotional labor as work, but it IS indeed work. If youre focused and working on your goals, will your ex become a distraction? Life can be so cruel at times as she was the love of my life and my heart never let me forget her. This reminds us that whatever the threat is that were facing, it can be overcome. I didnt reply. Wants your help with something. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? For context: I broke up with my 1st boyfriend who I dated for 5 years about 10 years ago. She has grown up and matured a lot in this time, as have I. His reply is 'the plain human courage shown by the people of Vietnam', instead of the . Nothing will raise your chances of reconciliation higher than when your ex reaches out to you after he or she has had the time to think thoroughly. After 6 months of balance to initiation of conversation, she stopped getting in touch. I didnt reach out to an ex-partner but I reached out to an ex-friend. You dont need to reply if you dont want to (things could get out of hand). The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Advertisement. Yeah - no. But for that to happen, your ex has to suffer and change his or her opinion of you.