why do serial cheaters want to stay married

Be patient and kind to yourself. He was smiling and making small talk and invading my personal space. So, after he started putting up boundaries, she started emailing me and begging for us to come to her house to dinner. Ive seen several instances on here where affair partners still think the other person is good when evidence points to the contrary. I want you to quit hating yourself and hating HIM! So yeah my intuition is on overdrive. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. Cheating Girlfriend? This is especially common in men with low self-esteem. Thanks Giz. Are they quick to change the subject? They say that in the fire, the gold is separated from the dross. He works in an environment where everyone works in a large room that is full of computers and everyone is always around the other. Cheating is inherently capitalist in nature, which is one of the reasons why I'll argue for it being universal, especially in the age of Snapchat, Tinder, Facebookany populist platform . Make sure you have a face to face conversation about the same. I gave her a good fight, I wasnt about to hand my life, my husband and my children to her on a silver platter, she didnt deserve any of it. She was 19 and carrying my child. If youre considering staying with an unfaithful husband, make sure to consider whether you can get past the hurt. Eyes, you know that I think your just great. In short, getting them to change is going to be quite the challenge. For her crap. "Serial cheaters will talk a good game about being faithful in the future but they will display no distancing behaviors to the people and situations they were involved in at the time they cheated," Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. For some, this is so true, and they become serial cheaters. Anyway he invested heavily and even took on a partner. Maybe they just had the opportunity and decided to go for it. They are just simply enjoying the temporary attraction from the other women and letting the marriage relationship be a permanent one. Honestly, talk about blinders being on. Thankyou the I think we have all learned that lesson, I am sure we all need to make sure we dont waste what we have learned. A partner who has cheated before is likely to cheat again. Love it! Because if you say 21 years, you acknowledge that she has played a hurtful role in your life, and thats a tiny win for her. It is HARD to say to yourself that things werent as they seemed, that maybe you were used, and that you werent special to that PARTICULAR PERSON. This of course leaves aside the kinds of relationships or. ago. Along with their wives and children, cheating husbands also risk losing money and their social network. Realize that its not your fault. There are a lot of factors that can contribute to someone's infidelity. Ill bet she has a thousand more questions Thani and why because she never really knew him and well he lied to her just as much if not more than he lied to me. "They can look you in the eye and say things such as: What a long day at work,' when they were actually with another person.". The tendency of a narcissist to cheat on a partner comes from a combination of factors. Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV. "Often an affair happens because of opportunity," she says. They Keep Telling Themselves They Will Change. After a while, you literally dont feel bad about it. When he wanted an ego boost,some drama, and a nice piece of ass, call gizfield, day or night cause she loves you and will come running. My hope is that the affair was the catalyst for them to work on a marriage that clearly wasnt dead (as has happened with my h and I ). Your heart must have been broken. Are they unhappy in their marriage so they had an affair or are they unhappy in their marriage because they are in an affair? I would tell her that you and your husband will be forced to seek advice from HR if she does not stop this behavior immediately. Im a stay at home Mom with two very young kids and he controls everything. On the topic of serial cheaters, I have always been completely baffled as to why my AP was the way he was. I think one thing bothering me after my husband cheated was that I felt I had to act like someone I wasnt. 3. So if you're dating a serial cheater, take note if you aren't falling into a routine. A: We started working on lots of projects together (over a 3 yr period) and the more we worked together the more success we had so our ideas and projects were supported by our boss and peers. I am also angered that your body literally had to get that sick and he still would not come clean when he saw you vomiting your guts out. Some common reactions to this trauma include: Your brain slows everything down so that you are able to take it all in slowly, trying to minimize the horror of what your partner has done. They enjoy the thrill of experiencing something new. It would be pretty ignorant if I did. I would not have had to listen to my teenage on call my husband a f p when the whole story came out. She has to see that he has no interest in her, but his own family. It is to introvertsRosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniakthat we owe many of the great contributions to society. Turns out it wasnt anything I had done, it was all she was doing, she planted her bait, and let him nibble at it, until she hooked him, by playing with his head. Well a nasty little interior decorator who worked for me told me john was a crack head!!! So how do you know if your partner is a serial cheater or this was just a mistake? So, let's find the basic signs of a serial cheater here. You could have knocked me over with a feather, as it was the last thing I expected. The idea would be the first time we commit adultery we feel bad about it. It cant be possible that the philandering spouse once loved, admired, and cherished you. Just like the idiot assistant I hired. She goes on to say, "They aren't all alike. Thanks also for your recommendation on letting the thoughts go and not wasting my energy ever thinking about him.. That really is the reason I need to give myself a break from this site. I would have realized the romantic overnights he treated me to were just to throw me off the trail. He tells himself it will never happen again. She finished a management 2 year degree and was employed in the same large company, but in marketing. He would get off the phone with me, then be straight on the phone with her. I was humiliated at family functions she attended. Him having to go to some kind of treatment should tell you a lot about the real person he is. This really is a terrible story and I am so sorry you have had to go through it. Hey Ive always wanted to ask you. Serial cheaters get and stay married because on some level they too want a companion to share their life with. Why do cheating husbands stay married? (He had been having an affair under my nose and I had no idea. He was an addict first and far most. And the reason they haven't usually has to do with pre-judging their wives coupled with a fear of being judged and denied their needs in an unpleasant way. When we got to full swing we would make excuses to go out to text each other to get the milk, or go and fill up with petrol, put the kids to sleep alone anything to be alone to send a text (sign ). But, I wanted my husband to understand going into it that he took the whole package or nothing at all. His wife should ditch him, in my opinion. How do you put a face to infidelity? (Lets say I know the difference between friendly and interested and I am not an ego-maniac who believes every man who talks to me has an agenda far from it). They dont care and more so they dont need an excuse. They didnt. You begin to distrust your own sense of reality. Although he did open the gates to my longer, more significant AP. Not all ow are as remorseful as you. Like you said, it is possible that all of us have at least one. Im sure she was trying to move in on him. But, the good news is, I am observing a change in society that started to begin in the early 2000s. Eyes, I wish we could have a wine too, lol. PS- Sounds like a lot of what you are describing about yourself is standard introversion, which is a very valuable characteristic. A colossal waste of time. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. As they say, fool me once, shame on you. Another one of the most common reasons cheating husbands stay married is fear of what they might be losing. Thats the truth. I would recap her sins to date, and tell him you are compelled to take further action. What did the affair process look like? All I can say, was my h was a sucker. Based on the same study, people who suspected their partner of cheating were four times more likely to suspect their partner in their next relationship. Once they start making you doubt yourself, it could be a sign your partner is trying to get inside your head and make it so that you blame yourself for their "needing" to cheat. They seemed like the perfect couple. Also and we all know this you cant make me sad only I can :-)! My h refused to accept there were problems and talk. I actually told my h that we should celebrate it as our 21st, because the last two years were a nightmare and just didnt seem to be like we were really married, lol because of his ea, and it felt like we lost two years of our life. But still it is unnerving!! Let's say you ask your significant other about a single friend or co-worker they've been cozying up to or talking a lot with recently. Now Im moving away to remove myself from all the toxic crap where I am. There are many reasons, Dr. Edelman explains. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. (Number 1 is you). Once you are gone, he (your h) is going to feel like he was hit by a ton of bricks and then run over by several monster trucks. Oops, didnt get to finish my comment. They dont think of it as a sinful act theyre doing. I would tell him it would behoove him to be totally honest. Jeddy, again I am so sorry about everything you are going through.